yes yes i know ; blogging everyday now .
i just left accounting .. couldn`t stay there anymore .
i knew when i sat down && he started explaining the problems i would be completely lost .
&& for me not to understand accounting ?
now i know there is something wrong .
i`m stressed about alot .
money .
school .
my mother && my grandmother both have to have surgery .
my cousin [ my best friend ] might move to arizona .
&& alot of other things .. if you read the letter you`ll understand the rest .
like .. ugh .
i never knew how to deal with all my stress .
lately i just take money i don`t even have in the bank
&& smoke all my problems away then fall asleep .
real nice way to solve my problems right ?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
* Sometimes It`s Gonna Rain .
If you haven`t noticed .. i`ve posted quite a few blogs lately .
mostly cos i`ve been really stressed .
i don`t even think stress is the WORD .
with everything that`s been bothering me
i really think i`ve made myself sick over it .
like literally .. s i c k .
i haven`t ate at all in the last week barely .
i throw up .. mind you .. if you know me you would know .. i NEVER throw up .
my ciggs make me gag now .
all i wanna do is smoke && sleep .
like idk .
i just really don`t know what to do anymore .
i`m slipping on my school work ; i barely go to class .
i`m just not movitivated to do anything anymore .
&& it`s bugging me .
my eyes are puffy && i have bags under them because of all the crying i`ve been doing during the day && before i go to sleep .
like it`s seriously pathetic && i want this to end .
that`s all for now <3
mostly cos i`ve been really stressed .
i don`t even think stress is the WORD .
with everything that`s been bothering me
i really think i`ve made myself sick over it .
like literally .. s i c k .
i haven`t ate at all in the last week barely .
i throw up .. mind you .. if you know me you would know .. i NEVER throw up .
my ciggs make me gag now .
all i wanna do is smoke && sleep .
like idk .
i just really don`t know what to do anymore .
i`m slipping on my school work ; i barely go to class .
i`m just not movitivated to do anything anymore .
&& it`s bugging me .
my eyes are puffy && i have bags under them because of all the crying i`ve been doing during the day && before i go to sleep .
like it`s seriously pathetic && i want this to end .
that`s all for now <3
Sunday, March 8, 2009
* M - E - A .
yayyy more random facts about mea <3
1. i live off of weed ; ciggs && soda .
2. i love tank tops ; hoodies ; && flip flops .
3. i hate walmart now that i moved to herk .
4. i talk alot of shit .
5. i`m in love .
6. i hate doing laundry .
7 . i want 10 piercings before summer starts .
8 . i say whatever i`m thinking outloud .
9 . i was locked up for 18 days in a hospital .
10 . i hate my natural hair color .
11 . i sleep with the same purple pillow every night .
12 . i love dunkin donuts strawberry coolatas .
13 . half my family calls me " ny "
14 . i was raised by the white side of my family .
15 . i hate liars .
16 . i get what i want usually .
17 . i KNOW when people are lying .. even if i don`t say anything ;]
18 . i have had my heart broken twice .
19 . i love DC .
20 . imma hip hop head . ; r&b lover && a rap fiend .
1. i live off of weed ; ciggs && soda .
2. i love tank tops ; hoodies ; && flip flops .
3. i hate walmart now that i moved to herk .
4. i talk alot of shit .
5. i`m in love .
6. i hate doing laundry .
7 . i want 10 piercings before summer starts .
8 . i say whatever i`m thinking outloud .
9 . i was locked up for 18 days in a hospital .
10 . i hate my natural hair color .
11 . i sleep with the same purple pillow every night .
12 . i love dunkin donuts strawberry coolatas .
13 . half my family calls me " ny "
14 . i was raised by the white side of my family .
15 . i hate liars .
16 . i get what i want usually .
17 . i KNOW when people are lying .. even if i don`t say anything ;]
18 . i have had my heart broken twice .
19 . i love DC .
20 . imma hip hop head . ; r&b lover && a rap fiend .
* How I`M Feeling .
This one time in middle school me && a couple of my friends had this notebook . Everyone that we knew was in it && next to them was everyones thoughts about them . I`m kinda gonna do this in reverse . I`m not gonna say the persons name but i`m gonna write how i feel about them . :) try && figure out who i`m talking about !
1. You are one of my best friends . We been down for each other since the 7th grade . I have had honestly some of the best times of my life with you . We made the craziest memories . It's sad to see how we both became tho . We barely speak barely see each other .. crazy ! I used to be with you every single day .. remember that ? remember skipping school together to smoke ; remember meeting random people && chilling ? i do ! I will always see you as my best friend ; doesn't matter if we never talk or see each other again . your MY best friend .
2. I can't fucking stand you . We been friends for crazyy long . but i can`t fucking STAND you . You are one of the most self centered people in the world && you wonder why people talk about you . Your a pathalogical LIAR . like i don`t even wanna get started on how BAD you lie . && you wonder why i never call you ? maybe THAT`S the reason . :)
3. Even thought we`re not blood related i still love you as if you were my own brother . I've been going thru alot lately && your the only person whose been there for me COMPLETELY . You always there to talk to at anytime ; whether it's in the morning when i`m going to class or whether it's at 4 in the morning && i`m calling you crying about a certain somebody . Your a great person you really are and i love you for that .
4. You fucked me over more times then i can count . You lied ; You cheated ; You just did everything . One girl is never enough right ? I did everything for you . && didn't get shit back . I was there when the rest of the girls weren`t . remember that ? Remember how i spent crazyyy money on you ? ahaaa i do . && what did i get .. ? n o t h i n g . i bet your other girls enjoyed shit tho . The sad part is ; i can't think of shit nice to say about you so fuck you your time to shine is over .
5. Even though i`m pretty sure people think we have some kinda love thing going on . Me && you both know how it is . We spend alot of time together . Your like my male other half lmao . We like the same thingsss ; && have alot in common . Your a pretty cool kid :)
6. Even though we supposed to be really good friends ; you irritate the shit out of me . It's so bad that when your upset ; it makes me feel better cos i know maybe you`ll STFU for once . I`ve known you for around 4 years now . I`m not gonna say you LIE but i AM gonna say you don`t tell the truth if that makes any sense . Your not that cute either sorry :)
7. I think you enjoy seeing me upset . So i think this is what causes you do to every fucked up thing possible && SAY every fucked up thing possible . I used to think soo highly of you . Cos you were different then anyone else i talk to . That's soo not the case anymore . Cos now your just like them . I have never had a person sit there && talk to me the way you do && make me hate my self in a way because to you there is NOTHING good . Hope your life is better now .
-- those were to just a few people i know / talk to on a daily basis .
1. You are one of my best friends . We been down for each other since the 7th grade . I have had honestly some of the best times of my life with you . We made the craziest memories . It's sad to see how we both became tho . We barely speak barely see each other .. crazy ! I used to be with you every single day .. remember that ? remember skipping school together to smoke ; remember meeting random people && chilling ? i do ! I will always see you as my best friend ; doesn't matter if we never talk or see each other again . your MY best friend .
2. I can't fucking stand you . We been friends for crazyy long . but i can`t fucking STAND you . You are one of the most self centered people in the world && you wonder why people talk about you . Your a pathalogical LIAR . like i don`t even wanna get started on how BAD you lie . && you wonder why i never call you ? maybe THAT`S the reason . :)
3. Even thought we`re not blood related i still love you as if you were my own brother . I've been going thru alot lately && your the only person whose been there for me COMPLETELY . You always there to talk to at anytime ; whether it's in the morning when i`m going to class or whether it's at 4 in the morning && i`m calling you crying about a certain somebody . Your a great person you really are and i love you for that .
4. You fucked me over more times then i can count . You lied ; You cheated ; You just did everything . One girl is never enough right ? I did everything for you . && didn't get shit back . I was there when the rest of the girls weren`t . remember that ? Remember how i spent crazyyy money on you ? ahaaa i do . && what did i get .. ? n o t h i n g . i bet your other girls enjoyed shit tho . The sad part is ; i can't think of shit nice to say about you so fuck you your time to shine is over .
5. Even though i`m pretty sure people think we have some kinda love thing going on . Me && you both know how it is . We spend alot of time together . Your like my male other half lmao . We like the same thingsss ; && have alot in common . Your a pretty cool kid :)
6. Even though we supposed to be really good friends ; you irritate the shit out of me . It's so bad that when your upset ; it makes me feel better cos i know maybe you`ll STFU for once . I`ve known you for around 4 years now . I`m not gonna say you LIE but i AM gonna say you don`t tell the truth if that makes any sense . Your not that cute either sorry :)
7. I think you enjoy seeing me upset . So i think this is what causes you do to every fucked up thing possible && SAY every fucked up thing possible . I used to think soo highly of you . Cos you were different then anyone else i talk to . That's soo not the case anymore . Cos now your just like them . I have never had a person sit there && talk to me the way you do && make me hate my self in a way because to you there is NOTHING good . Hope your life is better now .
-- those were to just a few people i know / talk to on a daily basis .
* Dead && Gone .
wow ; just reading my last entry i can already tell things have deff. changed .
mkay guys ; last entry was in jan. alotttt has happend . lemme fill you in :)
i`m back at school :( blah ! but this semester is poppin' i met alot of differant people && i`m pretty much never bored . && you already know my weedhead ass ; i blow it dowwwn everyday .
to be honest tho ; i`m not really paying that much attention to what i`m supposed to be doing in classes :( . i`ll get back on it tho so i`m not really worried to much about it .
my spring break starts on fridayyy . i`ll only be home for like a week tho so it`s not really that serious . .. now my SUMMER break starts in may ! i`m hypee for that .
i started my semester off single too .
the boyfriend that i`m pretty sure you have read about in my other posts .. broke up with me before i left .
nice right :)
it gets better !
since we broke up ; we been " talking " if that`s what you wanna call it .
yo .. i have NEVER argued with another human being the way i argue with this one .
over the dumbest shit to top it off .
i guess we been on two totally differant pages tho .
cos it seems he`s moved on .
enjoying all his new female attention .
while .. i`m just sitting here THINKING we`re gonna work things out .
i have a great record with guys right ? lmao .
i mean i can say exactly how i`m feeling about things or w/e && it like DOESN`T register into his head && it bothers me .
what i don`t understand is how we can go from being just fine && only argueing a little ; to practically hating each other .
i mean idk what`s gonna happen from here .. cos it`s deffinately not my decision anymore .
but .. to me if it meant as much to him as it does to me .. i wouldn`t have been in this situation for this long .
but yeah moving on to something worth typing about .
i haven`t really had a great past 3 months .
my mother && my grandmother both have to have surgery soon .
i don`t really know if i`m going to be home for both or not .
i hope i am .
.. atleast i have one piece of good news !
i killed my pain killer addiction a few weeks ago :)
yayyy meee !
but yeah ; i haven`t slept in a while .
some of you know why .
for others it was probly your fault .
i`ll update soon <3
mkay guys ; last entry was in jan. alotttt has happend . lemme fill you in :)
i`m back at school :( blah ! but this semester is poppin' i met alot of differant people && i`m pretty much never bored . && you already know my weedhead ass ; i blow it dowwwn everyday .
to be honest tho ; i`m not really paying that much attention to what i`m supposed to be doing in classes :( . i`ll get back on it tho so i`m not really worried to much about it .
my spring break starts on fridayyy . i`ll only be home for like a week tho so it`s not really that serious . .. now my SUMMER break starts in may ! i`m hypee for that .
i started my semester off single too .
the boyfriend that i`m pretty sure you have read about in my other posts .. broke up with me before i left .
nice right :)
it gets better !
since we broke up ; we been " talking " if that`s what you wanna call it .
yo .. i have NEVER argued with another human being the way i argue with this one .
over the dumbest shit to top it off .
i guess we been on two totally differant pages tho .
cos it seems he`s moved on .
enjoying all his new female attention .
while .. i`m just sitting here THINKING we`re gonna work things out .
i have a great record with guys right ? lmao .
i mean i can say exactly how i`m feeling about things or w/e && it like DOESN`T register into his head && it bothers me .
what i don`t understand is how we can go from being just fine && only argueing a little ; to practically hating each other .
i mean idk what`s gonna happen from here .. cos it`s deffinately not my decision anymore .
but .. to me if it meant as much to him as it does to me .. i wouldn`t have been in this situation for this long .
but yeah moving on to something worth typing about .
i haven`t really had a great past 3 months .
my mother && my grandmother both have to have surgery soon .
i don`t really know if i`m going to be home for both or not .
i hope i am .
.. atleast i have one piece of good news !
i killed my pain killer addiction a few weeks ago :)
yayyy meee !
but yeah ; i haven`t slept in a while .
some of you know why .
for others it was probly your fault .
i`ll update soon <3
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