* New Year ; New Thoughts .

So yeah ; i know i`m a little late on my 2009 entry but it`s okay . Now i know at the begining of every new year all you here is everyone go " new year new me ! " well i`m not exactly hopping on board that train . I mean yes there are some things i`d like to change . but i don`t exactly think a new year should be the reason for change if you know what i mean . but as of right now i`m working on my " anger issues " for lack of a better phrase . i mean if any of you know me well you should know i have the illest attitude && i can be a bitch for no reason && that`s not really me . i mean lately it has been but it`s time to grow up . can`t be a spoiled little bitch with an attitude forever . but anywho . i`ve been learning alot about myself lately . cos lets face it ; you can`t change without knowing yourself inside && out . i have come a long way from the person i used to be && i`m still growing . i mean attitude wise yes i`m still the same but obviously it`s changing . slowly but surely . relationship wise i think i`m getting a little better . i mean when i was younger i never gave a fuck about a male . i mean while my friends had their little boyfriends calling them late night to do the usual " i love you good night " i would always laugh && think " well i get 5 of the same phone calls from differant people " . that`s the type of mentality i had . i mean don`t get it twisted i wasn`t having sex with them all or anything . idk what type of weird infatuation it was . i used to love older guys && do anything besides sex for there attention . these days i`m more in the i wanna settle down with one person type of mentality && i think the way i used to act is ridiculous but hay we learn && we grow . ( speaking of settleing down i`m currently listening to " Differances " by Ginuwine && i came to the conclusion 2 years ago this will be my wedding song ) i`ve also been learning alot about friends lately . on who to trust && who not to you know that type of thing ? i mean i have cut a lot of people out of my life . even those that i had considered best friends . && i noticed that sometimes if you cut a friend out of your life && talk to them months ; even years later . things could get better . i mean i found it easier to keep only a select few actual " friends " less drama more happiness :) well that`s all for now .. i`ll be sure to blog tonight after i get settled in back at my apartment && meet all the new people && everythingggg . until then <3333333

* Rehab .

they met through her best friend .
her ? a soft spoken innocent girl .
him ? a drug-dealing hood-rat .
she didn`t know all that at first .
all she saw was a smooth talking attractive dude .
it was all good at first .
phone calls 3 times a day .
compliments left && right .
the first time they kissed .
she was addicted .
like he was a drug .
3 months went by ..
on the 4th month .
he didn`t talk to her for 28 days .
she cryed every night .
asking herself what she did wrong .
his excuse ?
he was busy .
she went back to him after that .
another 4 months went by .
the phone calls were short && far between .
she spent all her pay checks on him .
he was out with any girl he could find .
cheated like it was nothing .
she knew .
did she care ?
yes .
did she leave him ?
no .
he started yelling at her all the time .
degraded her .
sexually ; physically ; mentally .
did she leave him ?
no .
he was like a drug to her .
a bad habit ; addicting ; hard to let go .
eventually .
she grew the courage .
to leave ..
took a year to heal .
kind of like rehab .




* her story is crazy huh ?