* Lately .

well since i haven`t updated since like april . lemme fill you in on what`s been going on in my head since then :] .

i think 2009 is the year where i make the most mistakes i swear . especially in the company i choose to keep . it's like one day i decide that i wanna start talking to a bunch of new people && then i wake up the next day && it`s like " wtf was i thinking ?! " . i had this new " friend " at school . not gonna say his name but if you know me then you`ll most likely know who it is . i met him thru my friend crystal one day . i guess they were friends && she had this thing for him . we were at her house one day && she wanted to know if he could come over to my house with us so we could all hang out . now if you know me idc who anyone is i`ll chill with anyone . so he came over && smoked a blunt with me && we became friends . that same night he tried to fuck me on my couch . shit wasn`t working out for him because i lied && told him i had a boyfriend . but i gave him my number ANYway like a jerk . he started to txt me a lot && was at my house all the time smoking . i knew he liked me but i didn`t care . i was still talking to my ex && had ever intention on getting back with him . the guy also had himself a girlfriend back home but he never really acted like it . after a while me && the guy started getting a little TOO close . like he would always find a reason to sit next to me .. he would txt me all day long .. you know little things like that . one day everyone at my house was drinking and i had WAY to much to drink && he wound up in my bed and we had sex . the exact same scenario happened another time . idk why i allowed myself to do it twice .. but lemme just say .. when i have THAT much to drink i really don`t care what i do . i just sort of let things happen . now i`m guessing he took us sleeping together way more seriously then i did because all of a sudden he was at my house ALL the time doing weird shit like taking out my garbage && bringing me weed all the time . since school let out i haven`t spoke to him . he`s txted me a bunch of times .. even called which he never does . i made the decision when i got home from school to never talk to him again .

my reason for never talking to him again is simple . that whole thing is pretty much the reason why me && my last ex will never be the same again . i wasn`t going to tell him about it at first . but you know me .. i`m the worst secret keeper && i felt guilty every second of everyday . i`m kinda mad that i did tell him because now nothing is the same . i know for a fact me && him will never be together again . && knowing that makes me sick . i think about it every night . i mean i`m not gonna be corny && say he`s like the love of my life or anything . but i`m pretty sure that he`s who i`m supposed to be with . i mean i`ve met a few guys since summer has started && they`re guys i would normally be attracted too . but nope . i have just have no interest in anyone else except for him which sucks . i`m trying to get over it . especially because i know he`s moved on && is probly talking to other girls [ which by the way i`m extremely jealous over ] but yeah that`s a summary on my half assed love life .


as for school . if you read some of my other posts you would see i was slacking last semester which is probably why i`m on academic probation . my schedule is still a work in progress tho . i won`t be living on campus anymore . it`s full ! i`m kinda upset about thatttt . but i`m looking at this newer apartment building to live in . only fucked up thing is i don`t think imma be able to smoke as much in the new building but i`ll get over it . i have to start shopping for apartment things && school shit soon . soo not looking forward to go back to herkimer . i mean i love the school . but the town sucks ass . i`m getting my license my first month of school so i can atleast go other places other then being stuck there . so i guess that`ll make it a little more barable .