Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion .

* 100 .

2009-08-02T21:38:00.001-07:00

i stole this from one of my myspace friends .
100 facts about yours truly :]

1. i`m obsessed with zebra print .
2. 6 piercings .
3. the last book i read was twilight .
4. i love the skittles in the purple bag .
5. i`ve gone thru tons of best friends .
6. justin timberlake has been my longest celebrity crush . since i was like 11 maybe ?
7. i have Arachnophobia .
8. i love fast food .
9. i wanna work on wall street one day .
10. i`m the president of Baby Dolls . ( officialbabydolls.com ]
11. cell phone = LG Dare .
12. i`m in love .
13. i curse in every sentance basically .
14. i love nyc .
15. i could eat ranch dressing on anything .
16. i hate my father .
17. i`m not the same person i was in the begining of the summer .
18. i hate cooking && cleaning .
19. i want 4 more piercings .
20. if i like someone i become extremely jealous . && i never like to admit it .
21. if i don`t have my glasses on i can`t see shit .
22. nicki minaj is corny to me .
23. i`m probly the most clumsy person you will ever meet .
24. don`t ever ask me to repeat myself cos chances are i forgot what i said .
25. i have a weakness for guys who dress nice && make me laugh .
26. i smoke alot of weed && i`m not planning on stopping for a long time .
27. i drunk text .
28. i`m a kissing whore . i`ve kissed so many people that i`ve lost count .
29. i`m black&&white && in my opinion is the best thing to be :]
30. i want a pet cow .
31. victoria`s secret is my favorite store . i drop tons of money there just about every other week .
32. i`ve been in love twice in my life .
33. i`ve never been on a real date before .
34. i`ve had my wedding planned since i was 12 .
35. prisons fascinate me .
36. my friends never like my boyfriends .
37. i own every single episode of Friends .
38. i love to sleep .
39. i will argue about something even if i know i`m wrong .
40. i have 2 houses && an apartment .
41. i hate not wearing makeup .
42. i can`t drink anything unless i have a straw or it`s in a bottle .
43. i hate clocks .
44. i hate being ignored .
45. i want implants .
46. i love grape && strawberry phillies .
47. i love hello kitty && blues clues .
48. i live by cosmo .
49. i`m a gossip queen .
50. i dye my hair all the time .
51. i dropped out of high school .
52. i have 2 german shephards .
53. bacon pizza is my favoriteeee .
54. so is bbq wingsss .
55. i love newports .
56. i`m also a chain smoker .
57. i get mad very easily .
58. when i`m mad i throw things .
59. i`m thirsty .
60. hockey is my favorite sport .
61. the rangers are my favorite team .
62. my mother is the strongest woman i know .
63. i`m ditzy && absent minded .
64. my IQ was at genius level when i was 12 .
65. i`m much smarter then i act .
66. i`ve been to almost every major amusement park on the east coast .
67. florida is the best place to vacation .
68. so is virginia .
69. i have a dirty mind .
70. i never eat a full french fry or chicken finger . i leave the ends .
71. i`m gonna marry a basketball player one day .
72. goodbye - jagged edge && mad - neyo make me sad .
73. i don`t know my limit when it comes to drinking .
74. i LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE drake .
75. i can never keep a lighter .
76. nsync's second cd was the first cd i ever bought .
77. i get compliments on my eyeballs EVERYwhere i go .
78. i hardly ever stay friends with ex`s .
79. i txt way too much .
80. i have a reality tv addiction .
81. i type really fast .
82. i love my uggs .
83. i don`t usually like shopping with anyone else but my mother .
84. madonna is the shit .
85. i talk to much .
86. horses are my favorite animal .
87. i laugh at everything .
88. next to smoking ; sleeping && shopping .. watching movies is my other favorite thing to do .
89. i`m the pickiest eater in the entire universe .
90. i speak italian .
91. i barely ever answer messages on myspace .
92. facebook sucks .
93. i love writing with sharpies .
94. i can`t draw for shit .
95. i loveee playing wii with my brother .
96. i talk about my ex constantly with my best friends .
97. if a dream seems too real to me i freak out && have to get in contact with everyone that was in my dream to see if they`re okay .
98. i hate wearing shoes && socks .
99. i have 20 + pairs of flip flops .
100. i`m not a morning person .

* My Angel .

2009-08-02T21:22:00.000-07:00

Richard Charles Cowan Jr. *

this is my uncle . he died in january of '98 of AIDS . to me he was more then just my uncle . he saw something in me that most people didn`t && to me that`s what made him so special . i loved him with everything i had while he was alive && i still do . he was an amazing person . he was sick for along time && he knew eventually the disease would kill him , but he still woke up everyday happy to be alive && happy to be with his family . it hurts me everyday to know that i will never see him again but i know he`s in a better place && he isn`t hurting anymore . sometimes i have random thoughts about him && that`s the purpose of me writing this blog . so everyone knows that his memories will still live on thru me && everyone elses lives he`s touched . *

* Material Girl .

2009-08-02T15:43:00.000-07:00

so yesterday i went on another day trip to nyc && did a little bit of shopping .
a couple things i got :

perfume from victoria's secret " juiced berry "

a PINK hoodie . ( PINK is my favorite line in VS :] ]

a satin bag from VS

i also copped a hot pink phone cover ; stuff from the hershey store && a couple of other little things . :]

* Lately .

2009-07-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

well since i haven`t updated since like april . lemme fill you in on what`s been going on in my head since then :] .

i think 2009 is the year where i make the most mistakes i swear . especially in the company i choose to keep . it's like one day i decide that i wanna start talking to a bunch of new people && then i wake up the next day && it`s like " wtf was i thinking ?! " . i had this new " friend " at school . not gonna say his name but if you know me then you`ll most likely know who it is . i met him thru my friend crystal one day . i guess they were friends && she had this thing for him . we were at her house one day && she wanted to know if he could come over to my house with us so we could all hang out . now if you know me idc who anyone is i`ll chill with anyone . so he came over && smoked a blunt with me && we became friends . that same night he tried to fuck me on my couch . shit wasn`t working out for him because i lied && told him i had a boyfriend . but i gave him my number ANYway like a jerk . he started to txt me a lot && was at my house all the time smoking . i knew he liked me but i didn`t care . i was still talking to my ex && had ever intention on getting back with him . the guy also had himself a girlfriend back home but he never really acted like it . after a while me && the guy started getting a little TOO close . like he would always find a reason to sit next to me .. he would txt me all day long .. you know little things like that . one day everyone at my house was drinking and i had WAY to much to drink && he wound up in my bed and we had sex . the exact same scenario happened another time . idk why i allowed myself to do it twice .. but lemme just say .. when i have THAT much to drink i really don`t care what i do . i just sort of let things happen . now i`m guessing he took us sleeping together way more seriously then i did because all of a sudden he was at my house ALL the time doing weird shit like taking out my garbage && bringing me weed all the time . since school let out i haven`t spoke to him . he`s txted me a bunch of times .. even called which he never does . i made the decision when i got home from school to never talk to him again .

my reason for never talking to him again is simple . that whole thing is pretty much the reason why me && my last ex will never be the same again . i wasn`t going to tell him about it at first . but you know me .. i`m the worst secret keeper && i felt guilty every second of everyday . i`m kinda mad that i did tell him because now nothing is the same . i know for a fact me && him will never be together again . && knowing that makes me sick . i think about it every night . i mean i`m not gonna be corny && say he`s like the love of my life or anything . but i`m pretty sure that he`s who i`m supposed to be with . i mean i`ve met a few guys since summer has started && they`re guys i would normally be attracted too . but nope . i have just have no interest in anyone else except for him which sucks . i`m trying to get over it . especially because i know he`s moved on && is probly talking to other girls [ which by the way i`m extremely jealous over ] but yeah that`s a summary on my half assed love life .

as for school . if you read some of my other posts you would see i was slacking last semester which is probably why i`m on academic probation . my schedule is still a work in progress tho . i won`t be living on campus anymore . it`s full ! i`m kinda upset about thatttt . but i`m looking at this newer apartment building to live in . only fucked up thing is i don`t think imma be able to smoke as much in the new building but i`ll get over it . i have to start shopping for apartment things && school shit soon . soo not looking forward to go back to herkimer . i mean i love the school . but the town sucks ass . i`m getting my license my first month of school so i can atleast go other places other then being stuck there . so i guess that`ll make it a little more barable .

* You THINKKK You Know .

2009-07-31T21:53:00.000-07:00

wowww . i haven`t updated in forever :]
i bet you guys don`t even think you know me anymore !
incase you don`t know me as well as you think you do .. this post is gonna be about all the random && weird things about me . :]

- i can eat ranch dressing on anything .. try me =)
- i love fast food .
- law & order svu is my favorite show ever .
- i hate school .. but i love learning .
- i have about 20 pairs of flip flops .
- i always date the wrong guys . && i`m always friends with the guys i SHOULD be dating .
- i have the worst mood swings .
- yelling is how i communicate .
- i hate being alone .
- reading is one of my favorite things to do even tho i never really get to .
- i LOVE biggie ; drake ; day26 ; trey songz ; dblock <3
- i have all kinds of bad habits like smoking ; drinking ; cursing in every sentence ; burping outloud ; rolling my eyes ; spitting . but i`m really girly .
- when i have ciggs i chain smoke .

* Obsession .

2009-04-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

my new loves ♥
i love them SOO much .
the show .
the album .
all the songs .
EVERYthing .
&& oh btw .
me && rob are getting married .
kthnx .

* Stress Much ?

2009-03-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

yes yes i know ; blogging everyday now .
i just left accounting .. couldn`t stay there anymore .
i knew when i sat down && he started explaining the problems i would be completely lost .
&& for me not to understand accounting ?
now i know there is something wrong .
i`m stressed about alot .
money .
school .
my mother && my grandmother both have to have surgery .
my cousin [ my best friend ] might move to arizona .
&& alot of other things .. if you read the letter you`ll understand the rest .
like .. ugh .
i never knew how to deal with all my stress .
lately i just take money i don`t even have in the bank
&& smoke all my problems away then fall asleep .
real nice way to solve my problems right ?

* Sometimes It`s Gonna Rain .

2009-03-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

If you haven`t noticed .. i`ve posted quite a few blogs lately .
mostly cos i`ve been really stressed .
i don`t even think stress is the WORD .
with everything that`s been bothering me
i really think i`ve made myself sick over it .
like literally .. s i c k .
i haven`t ate at all in the last week barely .
i throw up .. mind you .. if you know me you would know .. i NEVER throw up .
my ciggs make me gag now .
all i wanna do is smoke && sleep .
like idk .
i just really don`t know what to do anymore .
i`m slipping on my school work ; i barely go to class .
i`m just not movitivated to do anything anymore .
&& it`s bugging me .
my eyes are puffy && i have bags under them because of all the crying i`ve been doing during the day && before i go to sleep .
like it`s seriously pathetic && i want this to end .
that`s all for now <3

* M - E - A .

2009-03-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

yayyy more random facts about mea <3

1. i live off of weed ; ciggs && soda .
2. i love tank tops ; hoodies ; && flip flops .
3. i hate walmart now that i moved to herk .
4. i talk alot of shit .
5. i`m in love .
6. i hate doing laundry .
7 . i want 10 piercings before summer starts .
8 . i say whatever i`m thinking outloud .
9 . i was locked up for 18 days in a hospital .
10 . i hate my natural hair color .
11 . i sleep with the same purple pillow every night .
12 . i love dunkin donuts strawberry coolatas .
13 . half my family calls me " ny "
14 . i was raised by the white side of my family .
15 . i hate liars .
16 . i get what i want usually .
17 . i KNOW when people are lying .. even if i don`t say anything ;]
18 . i have had my heart broken twice .
19 . i love DC .
20 . imma hip hop head . ; r&b lover && a rap fiend .

* How I`M Feeling .

2009-03-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

This one time in middle school me && a couple of my friends had this notebook . Everyone that we knew was in it && next to them was everyones thoughts about them . I`m kinda gonna do this in reverse . I`m not gonna say the persons name but i`m gonna write how i feel about them . :) try && figure out who i`m talking about !

1. You are one of my best friends . We been down for each other since the 7th grade . I have had honestly some of the best times of my life with you . We made the craziest memories . It's sad to see how we both became tho . We barely speak barely see each other .. crazy ! I used to be with you every single day .. remember that ? remember skipping school together to smoke ; remember meeting random people && chilling ? i do ! I will always see you as my best friend ; doesn't matter if we never talk or see each other again . your MY best friend .

2. I can't fucking stand you . We been friends for crazyy long . but i can`t fucking STAND you . You are one of the most self centered people in the world && you wonder why people talk about you . Your a pathalogical LIAR . like i don`t even wanna get started on how BAD you lie . && you wonder why i never call you ? maybe THAT`S the reason . :)

3. Even thought we`re not blood related i still love you as if you were my own brother . I've been going thru alot lately && your the only person whose been there for me COMPLETELY . You always there to talk to at anytime ; whether it's in the morning when i`m going to class or whether it's at 4 in the morning && i`m calling you crying about a certain somebody . Your a great person you really are and i love you for that .

4. You fucked me over more times then i can count . You lied ; You cheated ; You just did everything . One girl is never enough right ? I did everything for you . && didn't get shit back . I was there when the rest of the girls weren`t . remember that ? Remember how i spent crazyyy money on you ? ahaaa i do . && what did i get .. ? n o t h i n g . i bet your other girls enjoyed shit tho . The sad part is ; i can't think of shit nice to say about you so fuck you your time to shine is over .

5. Even though i`m pretty sure people think we have some kinda love thing going on . Me && you both know how it is . We spend alot of time together . Your like my male other half lmao . We like the same thingsss ; && have alot in common . Your a pretty cool kid :)

6. Even though we supposed to be really good friends ; you irritate the shit out of me . It's so bad that when your upset ; it makes me feel better cos i know maybe you`ll STFU for once . I`ve known you for around 4 years now . I`m not gonna say you LIE but i AM gonna say you don`t tell the truth if that makes any sense . Your not that cute either sorry :)

7. I think you enjoy seeing me upset . So i think this is what causes you do to every fucked up thing possible && SAY every fucked up thing possible . I used to think soo highly of you . Cos you were different then anyone else i talk to . That's soo not the case anymore . Cos now your just like them . I have never had a person sit there && talk to me the way you do && make me hate my self in a way because to you there is NOTHING good . Hope your life is better now .

-- those were to just a few people i know / talk to on a daily basis .

* Dead && Gone .

2009-03-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

wow ; just reading my last entry i can already tell things have deff. changed .
mkay guys ; last entry was in jan. alotttt has happend . lemme fill you in :)
i`m back at school :( blah ! but this semester is poppin' i met alot of differant people && i`m pretty much never bored . && you already know my weedhead ass ; i blow it dowwwn everyday .
to be honest tho ; i`m not really paying that much attention to what i`m supposed to be doing in classes :( . i`ll get back on it tho so i`m not really worried to much about it .
my spring break starts on fridayyy . i`ll only be home for like a week tho so it`s not really that serious . .. now my SUMMER break starts in may ! i`m hypee for that .
i started my semester off single too .
the boyfriend that i`m pretty sure you have read about in my other posts .. broke up with me before i left .
nice right :)
it gets better !
since we broke up ; we been " talking " if that`s what you wanna call it .
yo .. i have NEVER argued with another human being the way i argue with this one .
over the dumbest shit to top it off .
i guess we been on two totally differant pages tho .
cos it seems he`s moved on .
enjoying all his new female attention .
while .. i`m just sitting here THINKING we`re gonna work things out .
i have a great record with guys right ? lmao .
i mean i can say exactly how i`m feeling about things or w/e && it like DOESN`T register into his head && it bothers me .
what i don`t understand is how we can go from being just fine && only argueing a little ; to practically hating each other .
i mean idk what`s gonna happen from here .. cos it`s deffinately not my decision anymore .
but .. to me if it meant as much to him as it does to me .. i wouldn`t have been in this situation for this long .
but yeah moving on to something worth typing about .
i haven`t really had a great past 3 months .
my mother && my grandmother both have to have surgery soon .
i don`t really know if i`m going to be home for both or not .
i hope i am .
.. atleast i have one piece of good news !
i killed my pain killer addiction a few weeks ago :)
yayyy meee !

but yeah ; i haven`t slept in a while .
some of you know why .
for others it was probly your fault .
i`ll update soon <3

* New Year ; New Thoughts .

2009-01-19T22:46:00.000-08:00

So yeah ; i know i`m a little late on my 2009 entry but it`s okay . Now i know at the begining of every new year all you here is everyone go " new year new me ! " well i`m not exactly hopping on board that train . I mean yes there are some things i`d like to change . but i don`t exactly think a new year should be the reason for change if you know what i mean . but as of right now i`m working on my " anger issues " for lack of a better phrase . i mean if any of you know me well you should know i have the illest attitude && i can be a bitch for no reason && that`s not really me . i mean lately it has been but it`s time to grow up . can`t be a spoiled little bitch with an attitude forever . but anywho . i`ve been learning alot about myself lately . cos lets face it ; you can`t change without knowing yourself inside && out . i have come a long way from the person i used to be && i`m still growing . i mean attitude wise yes i`m still the same but obviously it`s changing . slowly but surely . relationship wise i think i`m getting a little better . i mean when i was younger i never gave a fuck about a male . i mean while my friends had their little boyfriends calling them late night to do the usual " i love you good night " i would always laugh && think " well i get 5 of the same phone calls from differant people " . that`s the type of mentality i had . i mean don`t get it twisted i wasn`t having sex with them all or anything . idk what type of weird infatuation it was . i used to love older guys && do anything besides sex for there attention . these days i`m more in the i wanna settle down with one person type of mentality && i think the way i used to act is ridiculous but hay we learn && we grow . ( speaking of settleing down i`m currently listening to " Differances " by Ginuwine && i came to the conclusion 2 years ago this will be my wedding song ) i`ve also been learning alot about friends lately . on who to trust && who not to you know that type of thing ? i mean i have cut a lot of people out of my life . even those that i had considered best friends . && i noticed that sometimes if you cut a friend out of your life && talk to them months ; even years later . things could get better . i mean i found it easier to keep only a select few actual " friends " less drama more happiness :) well that`s all for now .. i`ll be sure to blog tonight after i get settled in back at my apartment && meet all the new people && everythingggg . until then <3333333

* Rehab .

2009-01-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

they met through her best friend .
her ? a soft spoken innocent girl .
him ? a drug-dealing hood-rat .
she didn`t know all that at first .
all she saw was a smooth talking attractive dude .
it was all good at first .
phone calls 3 times a day .
compliments left && right .
the first time they kissed .
she was addicted .
like he was a drug .
3 months went by ..
on the 4th month .
he didn`t talk to her for 28 days .
she cryed every night .
asking herself what she did wrong .
his excuse ?
he was busy .
she went back to him after that .
another 4 months went by .
the phone calls were short && far between .
she spent all her pay checks on him .
he was out with any girl he could find .
cheated like it was nothing .
she knew .
did she care ?
yes .
did she leave him ?
no .
he started yelling at her all the time .
degraded her .
sexually ; physically ; mentally .
did she leave him ?
no .
he was like a drug to her .
a bad habit ; addicting ; hard to let go .
eventually .
she grew the courage .
to leave ..
took a year to heal .
kind of like rehab .

* her story is crazy huh ?

* What You DON`T Know .

2008-12-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

just passing some time before i go out . so here`s a list of things you may not know about me :)

1. i`ve had the same cell phone number since i was 14 .
2. i collect bags ; condoms ; && pajama pants .
3. i barely wear sneakers .
4. hot sauce makes me sick .
5. i`ve lost count of how many people i`ve kissed .
6. i hate sleeping alone .
7. i take things way to personally .
8. i speak italian .
9. i`m scared of age ; spiders ; death ; clowns ; && grilled cheese .
10. i hate being single .

* What`s Your Life Like ?

2008-12-26T22:07:00.000-08:00

yess i know you all have missed me <3 i`m on break so it`s been a little hectic but yeah . since i`m getting older && all i`ve been thinking alot lately about how i want my life to turn out . i mean usually it`s before i go to bed . that`s the only time i really have to think about things . && i think i have everything all planned out . well in terms of where i want everything to turn out . after i graduate college ( in about 5 years ) i wanna work on WALL STREET ! now let me tell you . the THOUGHT of wall street makes me wanna run around screaming . i`ve been into stock && investing since i was in the 6th grade . my lil geek ass was in " the stock club " ahaha . i`ve been through a LOT of career choices i`ve wanted to be everything from a hair stylest to a brain surgeon . but i think i fit best in the finance field . my mother is also in finance which is funny cos i swore i would never turn out like her ( which isn`t a bad thing ) . while working on wall street i wanna keep being involved in the volunteering i do for the aids council because after my uncle died i swore it would be my lifes mission to help people that were just like him . busy life right ? lol . i deff. wanna be with someone throughout that all . i mean i`ve always been a person that loves to be in relationships . but even thought i`m only 18 ( 9teen next MONTH ! ) i`m so ready to just be with one person for a LONG time you know what i mean ? it`s kind of a trend in my family find someone young ; get married in your mid 20`s && that`s that . && i don`t want that " trend " to stop with me you know ? cos by the time i hit mid 20`s i want a rock on my finger LOL . no but seriously i do . i really don`t want kids or anything until i`m wayyy older because with the career path i`m on there`s really gonna be NO time . but yeah .. there`s my life plan ;]

on to something else . CHRISTMAS ! i loved christmas this year because i have a new appreciation for it . since i`m away at college && everything i never get to see my family ever && i finally got to see them all && i loved it . 2 days straight of those crazy bastards . i loved it ! i hope everyone loved their christmas && got what they wanted <3

baby dolls !
you all should deff. join .
we have a great group of girls && are planning big things !
also visit myspace.com/421264894
&&
http://www.cafepress.com/_babydolls

* How To Act .

2008-12-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

okay this blog was inspired by a convo i had a while back with one of my best friends . some boyfriends i guess are a little rusty on knowing what to do && what not to do . so imma help you guys out . imma give you some do`s && don`ts .

Do :
txt your girl just because .
say i love you atleast once a day .
pay her more attention then all your other female friends .
try && remember things she tells you .
make her feel wanted .
try && see her as often as you can if it`s long distance .
ask her how her day is going .
be interested in what she`s saying .
remember her birthday .
memorize her phone number .
accept all her friends .
let her have male friends .. after all YOUR her man .
ask her about work/school
make sure all your female friends know you have a girl .

DON`TS :
DON`T call her a bitch .
DON`T associate with bitches that have tryed to fuck you in the past ( my friend had a big problem with this )
DON`T compare her to your ex girlfriend .
DON`T scream at her constantly .
DON`T steal from her .
DON`T talk to her whenever you feel like .
DON`T ignore her for the next bitch .
DON`T tell her you don`t care about what she has to say .
DON`T dictate her life .
DON`T lie to her .
DON`T make her feel not wanted .
DON`T call her a slut / whore / hoe / smut
DON`T act like she`s not your girlfriend .
DON`T deny her .
DON`T pay other bitches more attention then your girlfriend .
DON`T lie to her about the girls you talk to .
DON`T make her upset a night before she has to wake up early / take a test .
DON`T hang out with your baby mother by yourself while having a girlfriend .
DON`T give her number to your ex`s .
DON`T allow your friends to hit on her .
DON`T tell her how to look i.e what color her hair should be .
DON`T beat her . or touch her like that in ANY way .

to be continued <3

2008-12-07T20:45:00.001-08:00

gr . i shoulda put this in the last post . but whatever .

my sites :
myspace.com/mixxedxmamii
flickr.com/designerdrugs
twitter.com/_bambina
facebook - Mea Perry
officialbabydolls.com/forum - bella

that`s all for now <3

* My Loves .

2008-12-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

now let me tell YOU .
these 2 albums are on repeat almost all day everyday lately .
now .. i HATE kanye .. but this album is addiction . i love it .
t.i. .. apparently has such a great album because his ass has been on house arrest so he doesn't have anything better to do .. but props to him for having one of the best albums out right now .

side not - i have 4 MORE DAYS OF CLASSES LEFT ! next tuesday i`m getting wasted .. then wednesday morning i`m going HOME ! aah my vacation is gonna be the best . partying .. christmas .. more partying .. seeing my lover ! i can`t wait :)

* December 1st .

2008-12-01T16:52:00.000-08:00

As you should know . Today is World AIDS Day . I recognize this day every year && any other AIDS related day like throughout the whole year . I have dedicated alot of time && effort in support of finding a cure for AIDS and i volunteer at the AIDS Council Of Northeastern New York . My uncle died of AIDS when i was 8 years old && i have made it my soul purpose in life to carry on his work . Before he died he was on several experimental drugs && most of them made him sick . My uncle .. in a nutshell .. was my world . I loved him more then anything in this world . I still do actually . Everytime i visit his gravesite i sit && have a conversation with him as crazy as it sounds haha ! yes anyways . just letting you all know what today was && why it` so special to me !

oh yes . i ordered uggs the other day . their so sexy . wanna see ?

sexy right !
now i`m working on getting this really cute abercrombie&&fitch coat which looks like this

aah i love it !

* Relationships .

2008-11-24T20:18:00.000-08:00

Okay well in judging by the title you already know what i`m about to ramble on about . Everything i`m about to write about are my own personal experiences .

Now my first boyfriend .. i think i was around 13 ? i don`t remember. anyway . he was this kid that i barely knew , all i knew was that he had dated a couple of these girls i knew . i get home one day && my mom tells me he had called . i`m thinking " how the fuck he get my number " . i shrugged it off until the next day he had walked up to me in school and told me he had got my number from one of my friends . So that night he had called me again to let me know that he liked me && blah blah blah you know the whole song && dance guys pull when they wanna date ya ? well he had asked me out && nervous young ass said yes . so we had this whole " we`ll see each other in school && make out in the hallways " type of relationship . i was as giddy as they come because you know finally I had a boyfriend .. the little ugly girl with thick hair && glasses FINALLY had a boyfriend ! so we went out for a couple months and then i had my first heartbreak . he had cheated on me with this girl my best friends was friends with . now back then i was still a virgin and i was DEVASTATED when i found out he had sex with this girl . now she was the one to tell me this , she called me one day while i was on the phone with my then boyfriend . so she tells me what happened && i click over in tears && tell him we can`t go out anymore . after this he tells me he " needs " to see me . so you know like a dumbass i walked up the stree to see him where then he pleaded for me to go back out with him . && again like a dumbass i agreed . now you won`t believe what happens after we start dating again for another couple months .. YOU GUESSED IT ! he had sex with the same girl . so yeah you already know .. that had to end . that ladies && gentlemen is the story of Mea`s first boyfriend :)

Okay now lemme move on to my latest ex . I met him through one of my best friends . he just happened to be her cousin . when i first met him i didn`t really think much of him because at the time i had a boyfriend . so one winter night i`m in albany with her and we`re at her aunts house where she was getting her hair done or something like that . we`re sitting in the living room and he keeps looking at me all funny . i`m not paying any attention because ( not to sound conceited or anything ) but guys tend to stare at me alot . so we leave the house and we go up the street to the store and i get this phone call . on the other end it`s this guy with a really sexy voice and he`s talking to me && i`m like who the fuck is this ?! so we`re going back && forth like that until my friend took the phone and hung up . so for the next few days he does the same thing until i finally realized who it was . so after a few months of not talking to each other i had the same friend over at my house one night && kept telling her how cute her cousin was && blah blah blah . A few days after that we`re sitting in her room && she calls him && tells him i think he`s cute . i`m all embaressed && shit so she puts me on the phone with him && he asks me out . now this was on january 12 , 2006 . see i even remember dates && shit . so for the next couple of months it`s all fine && dandy . we talk everyday i go see him every now && then since we don`t live in the same town . now the thing you have to know about me && him is that we are COMPLETELY differant . i`m this little mixed girl from the suburbs && he`s the thugged out type that lives in the " hood " .. you know the drug dealing type . i think it was because of the big differance i was so attracted to him , not to mention he`s hot . but anyways . i think it started in march to where he didn`t call as often . now by this time i was starting to like him ALOT . during the month of march he did not call me me ONCE .. or maybe it was april i don`t know . but yeah . he had ignored me for a month ! now during this time i was hearing all types of rumors about how he was fucking other girls && what not && spent many nights crying over this but i didn`t give up on it .. which looking back i should of . but anyways . during that summer we had started to hang out more . now i started to notice he was becoming very hostile towards me . but you know by THAT time my naive ass thought i was in love . he started to yell at me all the time , scream at me , yoke me up things like that . oh yeah i`m leaving out something major .. he has gotten ALOT of money from me . for petty shit like tickets or he`d get arrested , money just because , weed && things like that . so yeah i had invested alot in him but you know just like a typical guy he didn`t appreciate any of it . by the end of our relationship i became terrified of him dead ass . so by the end of the summer we had broke up . now the NEXT year like right after i turned 17 we had started to date again . now this time i was CONVINCED it was gonna be differant . you know how most girls are like that right . well anyways . this time i actually had a pregnancy scare which really woke me up . cos this time we dated he completely ignored me . i spent a long time trying to get over this one . something like a year && some change ? so yeah this relationship had the biggest affect on me . it literally killed me . like if anyone has ever been through a serious heart break .. my heart goes out to you because i know how it feels .

so this brings me to my current boyfriend . after my last boyfriend i really was NOT interested in seeing anyone else like AT ALL . i had this whole idea about how all guys were players && assholes && neglectful . but THEN i met him :); we were just friends in the begining . i have alot of guy friends so i didn`t mind having one more you know ? not to sound cliche` or anything but he really is differant . we would talk for hours at a time about pretty much nothing && he always made me laugh . after a couple weeks i started to get this HUGE crush on him . but have you read about the last boyfriend i had ? ooh yeah i deffinately didn`t wanna have another boyfriend after that . i`m not gonna front i was scared ! but as time went on the idea of dating him was deffinately appealing to me . but yeah to make a long story short we`ve been together for like .. almost 6 months ? we fight like we`re married i swear .. he pisses me off .. he annoys me .. && he makes me madder then anyone else can .. BUT i love him && when you love someone all that doesn`t matter .. right ? i mean i have never thought about having a " future " with any guy .. but this one makes me think .. not sound all lovey dovey or anything . ;)

but yeah . i felt like rambling about something today . thanks for reading :)

* Lemme Introduce Myself :)

2008-11-22T22:50:00.000-08:00

okay well being that this is my first post lemme tell you a little about myself . i hate rambling on about myself so i`m just going to list things you might not know or things i feel you should know .

- i have alotta nicknames . just call me mea tho i like that best .
- i`m 8teen .
- i talk alot .
- i curse in every sentance .
- i love white jeans .
- i wanna work in the financial field one day but i will always have dreams of being a district attorney .
- i`m addicted to Vault .
- my mother is my best friend .
- i have a boyfriend ; whom i know i`m gonna be stuck with for a while .
- i`m bossy .
- reality shows are so addicting .
- i hate my laptop .
- judge me && i`ll judge you .
- very opinionated , it gets me in trouble very often .
- extremely blunt ; it gets me in trouble alot because usually people mistake it for being mean .
- i hate hot weather .
- r&b music is my addiction ; especially the old slow jams ! oh yesss .
- i consider myself always right .
- i`m stubborn && loud .
- i`m a nerd at heart .
- my family is my everything .
- i put my heart && soul into the AIDS Council of Northeaster NY - my uncle died of AIDS when i was younger && he was my everything so i make it my personal mission to do everything i can for the cause .
- i hate lil wayne but i`ll listen to some of his songs .
- i`m scared of commitment .
- i spend money faster then i get it .
- victoria`s secret is my favorite store in the world .
- either i love something or i hate it . no gray area with me .
- i give advice that i myself can`t take .
- i change my mind as often as i change clothes .
- i hate conflict .
- i speak a little italian =)
- i`m half black && half white && i love it .
- i can get along with anyone until they fuck me over .
- i can sleep all day .
- criticism is not something i can take .
- when i say i don`t care about something i really don`t unless it has something to do with my family or my boyfriend .
- i love meeting to new people && doing new things ; i believe you should try everything once .

well that`s it for now .. hopefully you feel like you know me a little bit better haha .
until next time !

* Mea .

oh yeah - officialbabydolls.com
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